Monday, July 29, 2013


 This is my last afternoon as a 21 year old.
I feel like it was just yesterday I was at the Gansevoort holding two shots of tequila and remembering how long I had been pretending to be of age to legally get into a bar. This past year has been a test of my strength and patience. I've spent the majority of it trying to figure out who I am and how I can better myself. I think I have attempted to do that every year before that but I think this is the first year I have had any real success in doing so. 

I know this isn't a time to relax. Next week, everything that I have become accustomed to in my life is going to change. My roommates, who have become brothers to me, are moving to different parts of the country and one will be taking Gatsby with them. Losing my best guy friends and my dog, who has become my therapy solution, is devastating. Shortly after that, Brian and I will be moving into our very own apartment with our very own dog, Charlie. After that, I will be going back to school again. 

I'm grateful to start this new year of my life and this new chapter but it's hard to look back on the year you've just had and anticipate the next. As much as I'd like to pause time and keep everything exactly how it is, I know it's time to move forward. I'd like to think I've grown up a lot and I will learn from my mistakes. I hope this next year is another growing and inspiring year that will help shape me into the adult that I'm meant to be, even if I'm not quite sure who that will be yet. 

I'm so in love with everyone who has been here for me this year and has made it one to remember. I'm thankful for my pups, my family, my incredible friends and my stellar boyfriend for all being there when I've needed you. 

Here is to my 22 year. 

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Camp Bisco

I've been trying to find a way to describe the experience I had this past weekend at Camp Bisco. 
I don't think that I can. 
Here are the photos. 

Maggie and Travis

The crowd



Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Choies Giveaway!

Hey guys 
One of the companies that was kind enough to send a piece over to shoot is hosting a giveaway!
They hold tons of contests and the most recent is for some hair extensions. 
As someone who just chopped off most of their hair, this is a pretty cool way to change things up a bit. 
They pick two winners every day until June 5th!

All you have to do is follow the instructions when you click the photo
and wait to see if you won!

Good luck everyone!

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Love + Leather Giveaway!

I've teamed up with Renee Tobias and her jewelry line Love + Leather to do a fun giveaway from my blog! 
We'll be giving away the Cheyenne Moon necklace. The handmade statement necklace is created with brown leather. Features sky blue stones, brown tube beads, white glass triangle beads and small silver cube beads for detail. Strands are braided with brown deerskin leather lace.

There are three very simple ways to enter (which also means you can enter up to three times)

1.) Comment on this blog post with your full name.

2.) Comment and share the facebook post of this photo on your timeline 
(Must like "Emma Lauren Photography" and "Love + Leather" Facebook pages)

3.) Repost this photo on instagram and tag @Emmalaurenphoto and @Loveandleather and be sure to also tag #Emmalovegiveaway

Contest ends at 11:59PM on May 14th. 

Looking forward to drawing a winner!

Thanks so much and GOOD LUCK!

Monday, April 29, 2013

Monday, March 25, 2013

Venus Uprising

Sneak peek of a two part series that weaves in and out of each other to tell a story of fear and uprising.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Valentine's day

Happy Valentine's day for all of the lovers out there. Also, happy Valentine's day to all of the single people out there. It's important to love yourself above all else. Call me cheesy but it's probably the best advice I've ever gotten from my mother. Brian and I have never really had a good Valentine's day before so we're going out to dinner, as we usually do on thursdays, and then going home to watch How I Met Your Mother. 
We celebrate our one year anniversary next week so that's when we'll do something really special. Below is a photo of B that I took that I really, really love. 
I hope you all enjoy today. 

Sunday, February 3, 2013

How to Love Your Depressed Lover

On my worst days, Brian would scoop me up and hold me close to his chest. He would rub my hair and kiss my forehead. He'd wipe away my tears and tell me everything was going to be okay. Then we'd sit together in silence that was occasionally broken by sniffles or my broken breathing patterns. Sometimes, when my panic attacks are particularly bad, I find that I'll forget to breathe which will leave me choking and dizzy. Brian would eventually ask if I'd like to go into the living room to hang out with our roommates or if I'd like to play with Gatsby or if I'd like to go for a walk to take pictures. I could never respond with anything aside from "I don't know, I can't move". There is nothing worse than they way my body feels right after an attack. It feels like I've run a marathon while wearing a lead suit. After awhile, Brian has to get back to his life so he kisses me on the cheek and tells me "If you need anything I'll be in the living room. You should try to come out if you can." I honestly consider it, but decide to sleep instead.

I've become so use to this feeling of sadness and anxiety. It started mildly at first but as I got older turned into this monster that I couldn't stop. I went to doctor after doctor and was put of medications with doses so high that I became an emotionless shell of myself. At one point I became rebellious and tried to medicate myself with drinking and other risky behaviors. I would push my depression and anxiety into the back of my head and wouldn't talk about it to anyone. This would backfire on me when I would be alone and everything came spilling out, creating a flood I would drown in.

I've been dealing with these illnesses for about 11 years now and the past couple of months have been really tough for me. Although everything in my life has been going wonderful, I have been unexplainably sad and my anxiety has been at an all time high. I began to crumble into myself. I would only go where I felt 100% safe and where I knew people wouldn't ask me over and over again if I was ok. I didn't want anyone to know how I was feeling because I was ashamed but the more I pulled back, the more questions were asked.
"Why are you not coming out tonight?"
 "Why don't you come over to my house instead of just staying home?"
 "You never come out anymore, what is up with you?"

I couldn't find the right way to simply say
"I'm sorry I can't stop crying today, I can't get out of bed." or
 I just want to go somewhere familiar."

This is why this I'm coming out with this post. I'm not ashamed anymore. I've finally been getting the help I need and while it's a slow process I can see some small results. I'm starting to learn how to control my anxiety and keep moving, even if I'm down. I hope that this post can make someone who also suffers from anxiety and depression feel as if they're not alone. You're not, which is sometimes important to hear. Don't be afraid of yourself anymore. While we're fighting an illness it does not make us less of a person than anyone else. It has taken me about 11 years to come to that conclusion and I hope others can realize this too.
My doctor likes to remind me time and time again that we are not defined by our symptoms. I needed to be told that because I can't remember the last time I didn't start with "anxious"or "nervous" when describing myself. I sincerely hope, from the bottom of my heart, that if you suffer from anxiety and depression that you get  the chance to truly love yourself. I'm slowly getting to do it and it's divine. You'll find you'll be able to love others around you so much more when you're not carrying your world on your shoulders.

At this point you might be wondering what the photo above all of the text has to do with anything. The photo is inspired by a poem I came across on tumblr called "How to Love Your Depressed Lover" By Donna-Marie Riley 
Brian has been there for me throughout all of this madness in my head. He does all that he can to let me know that I'm not alone. I'd feel guilty many times because I could see him trying to fix a problem that he simply could not. He would try anything to make me better when the only person who could fix that was me. Since we live together, he would see the hardest part of my illness. The part where I am safe at home and just crumbled.
Brian, I love and appreciate everything you have done for me these past few months. You are a wonderful man.

How to Love Your Depressed Lover

Last night I thought I kissed
the loneliness from out your belly button.
I thought I did, but later you sat up,
all bones and restless hands, and told me 
there is a knot in your body that I cannot undo.

I never know what to say to these things.
“It’s okay.” “Come back to bed.”
“Please don’t go away again.”

Sometimes you are gone for days at a time
and it is all I can do not to call the police,
file a missing person’s report, even though 
you are right there, still sleeping next to me
in bed. But your eyes are like an empty house 
in winter: lights left on to scare away intruders.

Except in this case I am the intruder and you
are already locked up so tight that no one
could possibly jimmy their way in.

Last night I thought I gave you a reason 
not to be so sad when I held your body like 
a high note and we both trembled from the effort.

Some people, though, are sad against all reason,
all sensibility, all love. I know better now.
I know what to say to the things you admit to me
in the dark, all bones and restless hands.

“It’s okay.” “You can stay in bed.”
“Please come back to me again.”

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

A question and an answer

As I get ready to write this, I realized I haven't written on here in a very long time. This is unacceptable and to the people who actually read my blog I'm sorry. A lot has been going on recently but don't worry, I have have a full post for that coming soon. 
Anyway, the point of this post is to answer a question I get every two to three days from people. 
It usually comes after I upload something to Facebook or Instagram. 
People will say "Emma, why do you take and post so many fucking photos?"
This question sometimes makes me instantly annoyed so my answer is usually something along the lines of "Because I do."
But I keep getting this question over and over again so I decided to come clean and tell you why I take so many fucking photos. 

This addiction started when I got my first camera in 2008. I wasn't shooting much, mostly because I had no idea what I wanted to photograph. So I'd do the basic photographer thing and took pictures of birds and sunsets and such. The only time I really took photos of people was when I would sneak off to  to visit my ex boyfriend, get shitfaced and then rely on photos to tell me what happened the night before.

It continued like this for awhile. Different parts of my life sewn across Facebook. With time, I began to figure myself out as a photographer. I realized that I really loved photographing people. This became portraiture and with time turned into a love for fashion photography. 

Looking back, one of the things I love about creating stories through photos is remembering how the idea came about. When I look at my editorials, I can remember what I was thinking, what inspired me, what I was feeling and more. I became very self reflective of my photos and it eventually came around to the photos that I would take of my friends when we would go out. When I would look back on the photos I could remember 99% of the things that were happening at that time. I could remember the jokes that were told, the things that were going wrong and more importantly how happy I was in that moment. I began to get a little more serious with this lately, especially after my computer crashed. I was foolish and only saved some of my work on to my hard drive and I lost thousands of photos. The only thing that I had left were the photos left on Instagram and Facebook.

 I'd like to think these photos have helped me at times. When i've felt sad, anxious or lonely, I'll look back at the photos and remember that these negative feelings are temporary. I get to see how I've changed with friends or love or even with myself. It's almost therapeutic. 
I get to see photos of my family, how my relationship with Brian is growing, how Gatsby is growing and everything in-between.

So, why do I take so many fucking photos?
Because I want to be able to remember why my life was incredible (thanks to everyone in it) when I get older and I'd like to be able to share it with my children one day. 

That's why.