Saturday, August 1, 2015

Little love notes from Puerto Rico

It's 5:51 AM in San Juan Puerto Rico on August 1st 2015. The city noise I've grown up with for the past 24 years has been replaced with the sound of the ocean's waves and birds singing out to each other as if to say "good morning!"  I'm laying in the bed of the Airbnb I'm in watching the sun turn the clouds morning pink instead of their dark gray from night. Right beside me, I have my love's warm sleeping body cocooned in the comforter. Our legs our intertwined and I have one of his hands by my head with his fingers tangled loosely in my hair. I tried to wake him up to watch the sunrise with me. He woke up just enough to start to rub my hair and before the first cloud could begin to light up from the sun, he was out again. 
     I am overwhelmed with bliss. Not from the extravagance of this trip, being whisked away to Puerto Rico for my birthday and having what feels like our own private beach, but from the simplicity of it. Like this moment before we start our day, listening to Jonathan snoring lightly next to me. Our 7 am swims that we've had every morning since we got here. Our heated debates on whether the wave that just passed us in the ocean was one to jump over, ride to shore with or dive under. I'm just overwhelmed. My heart has never felt this full. 
     This blog is filled with love notes. Some are to friends, some are to family and some are even to past loves. This year in which I've partially documented on here has been monumental for me. It's involved a lot of figuring out where I stand by myself and with others. There were so many changes happening, and at times all at once, I sometimes felt like I was dragging my feet and confused about which direction to go in. 
     Then, a funny thing happened. One night, while out with friends, I connected with a photographer who's work I had been following for a long time. Meeting him was like nothing I can ever properly describe. I guess it was almost like watching fireworks for the first time, beautiful but a little scary at first. Within such a crazy, short period of time, I found him to be my other half. No one was as silly with me as he was. No one was as honest with me as he was. No one was as loving with me as he was. Not a day goes by where he doesn't look me in the eye and tell me that he loves me. I hear myself describing how all of it feels to people, how I know that he's the man I want to spend the rest of my life with  and I almost sound crazed. "It's just this feeling. Like in your stomach, no, maybe more in your head. Actually more like heart? It's like when people say 'when you know you know' and you don't know but then when you know you're like wow, you know?" Ive just given up trying to explain it. It's just right.
    I know he'll find this as we eat breakfast or while I'm rinsing off in the shower after our morning swim. I'll end this post as so: I am so incredibly lucky to have found this man who is my other half. This man who pushes me to strive. The man who can see me crying and properly figure out when to tell me to suck it up and fight for what I want or to just hold me and help me work out my feelings to get to my next step. I'm lucky to have a partner in my life who I wake up every morning wondering how I have been so blessed to have found someone as courageous, smart and beautiful like him and can see when he wakes up he's thinking the same thing about me. I'm looking forward to the day when I walk down the isle in a big white ridiculous dress and for him to tell me I look like a beautiful marshmallow. I am one happy  woman. Thank you, Jonathan, for being a big helping hand in that. This is bliss.

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